Death of a Propane Salesman
by blakebs
Summary: My very first Space Ghost Coast to Coast fic! Enjoy!


"You know what? I'm been doing some thinking and... Maybe I'll become a clown. I just don't think the talk show business is for me." said Space Ghost.

"On second thought, maybe I'll become a propane salesman." said Space Ghost.

"You two could care less, couldn't you?" Space Ghost asked.

"Yes, we could care less. In fact, we could care a whole lot less." Zorak replied.

"Maybe I'll run for governor of California." Space Ghost said.

"Governor of California, you? You'd have a better chance of getting rid of world hunger, you'd have a better chance of curing cancer, you'd have a better chance of curing the common cold. You'd have a better chance of raising Charlton Heston from the dead." Zorak replied in sarcasm.

"Charlton Heston's dead?! When was this?" Space Ghost asked.

"Uh, a few months ago." Replied Zorak.

"Charlton Heston dead? You speak nonsense! Charlton Heston could part the seas, Charlton Heston could save us from a apocalyptic future ruled by freaky apes! And you think he could be conquered by death?! You're crazy!" Space Ghost said angrily.

"I'm crazy, you're crazy, Moltar's crazy, we're all crazy! Crazy you hear?! Crazy! DO YOU HEAR ME?! Space Ghost shouted.

"I hear you." Moltar replied.

"You stay out of this, Moltar, I didn't ask you! Space Ghost shouted.

"You're a jackass!" Moltar spat.

"I second that motion!" Zorak replied.

"Shut up, Zorak! I didn't ask you!" Moltar said.

"You shut up!" Zorak said.

"You shut up!"Moltar said.

"You shut up!" Zorak said.

"You shut up!" Moltar said.

"You shut up!" Zorak said.

"All of you, shut up! I'm trying to think!" Space Ghost shouted.

"What'cha thinking about?" asked Moltar.

"Retiring." Space Ghost replied.

_Cue intro_

"Live from the Ghost Planet, It's Saturday Night Live! Uh that is... What I meant to say was... Space Ghost Coast to Coast! Yep, after being gone for 4 years, uh that is... 4 years and 4 months to be exact, he's back baby, and he's back with a vengeance! And I bet you're wondering, what happened to that other announcer guy, uh... Tansit! Well, he was fired a while back, and the producers took their sweet, sweet, sweet time finding a replacement. I don't even know why I even took a job on this second rate show! I should of listened to my mother and became a dentist! But, noooooooooo! I had to become an announcer! And now, here's you're overrated host now, Space Ghost!"

"Ola, amigos! (that's French). I'm Space Ghost!" Space Ghost said.

"That's not French!" Zorak replied.

"Of course it's French! Where have you been? living under a rock?!" Space Ghost replied.

"I haven't been living under a rock, I think you have!" said Zorak.

"Well, you're dumb!" replied Space Ghost.

"And you're stupid!" replied Zorak.

"Yeah well, you're stupider!" replied Space Ghost.

"It's not French! It's Spanish!" said Zorak.

"Yeah Spanish, sure it is, and Ashley Johnson played Chrissy Seaver on Growing Pains! And... And... Clark Gable was really an alien sent to destroy us all! And Billie Lou Watt, that second rate actor, was actually a hairy man dressed up as a woman!" Space Ghost said in a tone of sarcasm.

"Uh, who's Billie Lou Watt?" Zorak asked,

"Um... Some old person." Space Ghost said.

"Moltar, who the heck is Billie Lou Watt anyway? Space Ghost asked.

"Um... she's an actor. Um... she played the voice of Astro Boy and Kimba the White Lion, Uh... Let me see... Elsie the Cow on the Borden cheese commercials, and Ellie Harper Bergman on the soap Search for Tomorrow." Moltar replied.

"Cheese? Did you say Cheese?" asked Space Ghost.

"Uh... Yeah." Moltar replied.

"I love cheese! Do you like cheese, Zorak?" Space Ghost asked.

"Aye captain, I like cheese!" Zorak replied.

"You don't say! I like cheese too!" Space Ghost said.

"Uh... Space Ghost... you sure are in a random mood tonight." Moltar said.

"Random mood, who, me?" Space Ghost asked.

"Yeah, you." Moltar replied.

"Aren't I always?" Space Ghost asked.

"Uh... Yeah." Moltar replied.

"So what's the problem?" Space Ghost asked.

"Um... I guess there is no problem." replied Moltar.

"I thought so." Space Ghost said simply.

"Moltar, bring out a first guess! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Lou Ferrigno!"

"Hey, how's it going, Space Man!"

"Everything's peachy keane! Fine and dandy! Are you getting enough oxygen?"

"Yep, I'm getting a enough oxygen, you don't worry about that!"

"Okay! I won't."

"Okay! Now on to the personal questions! Citizen Lou, have you ever been chased through the woods by a pack of angry wolves?"

"Um... No, that is... I don't think so."

"Well, I have." Space Ghost replied.

"You've been chased by angry wolves?" Lou asked.

"Yep, sure was. They tore me apart limb by limb."

"If they tore you apart limb by limb, how is it you're still here?"

"Simple. I fought my way out. And I killed each and every one of those flea-bitten pests with my mighty destructo-ray! But they did tear off a few limbs though."

"You don't say."

"Yes, I do say!"

"Citizen Lou, do you like cheese?"

"Yeah, sure. Who doesn't like cheese?"

"Do you like shredded cheese?"

"Yeah, I like shredded cheese."

"Do you like cheddar cheese?

"Uh, yeah."

"Brick cheese? Colby cheese? Cup cheese? Cream cheese? Farmer cheese? Maytag Blue cheese? Parmesan cheese? Pepperjack cheese? Romano cheese? String cheese? Swiss cheese? Provel cheese? Teleme cheese? Texas Goat cheese? Mozzarella cheese? Brus da ricotta?"

"What?"

"It's an Italian cheese."

"Hey Zorak... you ever been to Italy?"

"No."

"Nonsense! Everybody's been to Italy! All the rich snobs have been to Italy! Even I've been to Italy!"

"Not on my salary, bub."

"What you talking about Zorak?!"

"You hardly pay me a dime!"

"That's a lie! I pay you plenty!"

"Isn't that right, Moltar?"

"Um... Actually... He's right, you do barely pay him a dime!"

"Well... I pay you good, don't I?" Space Ghost asked.

"Nope." Moltar replied.

"I don't?! What kind of a person am I?!" Space Ghost said.

"An awful person is what you are." Moltar replied.

"Oh sure, rub it in Moltar!" said Space Ghost.

"Okay, I will! You're an awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful person!"

"Okay! I'm an awful, awful, awful, awful, awful person! What do you want me to do about it?!"

"Nothing. Just keep on being your usual awful, awful, awful self."

"Um... Okay. We'll be right back with Lou Ferrigno!"

_Interrupt transmission._


End file.
